TAMARA'S CHILD
I met Sam while I was homeless in the summer of 2008. He offered to let me stay at his dad’s house with him so I wouldn’t have to sleep outside again. We got along great. After a few days we became a couple. Everything was going good. I finally found a job and so did he. Everything was coming together finally. I was actually happy.
Then I lost my job and my life started falling apart again. Through the process of breaking up with Sam and then getting back together again, he came to me with the idea that we should have a child. I was confused at first, but then excited. I had wanted a child ever since my first pregnancy, which ended in a miscarriage, at 14. So I, of course, said yes. We started trying to get pregnant. I should have known better, but I wanted love and I wanted a baby so bad. We found out I was pregnant in either late February or early March. I was ecstatic but extremely nervous since I knew my mother would not approve. A little after we found out we decided to move into my mother’s house. I tried to hide the pregnancy for as long as I could but I had horrible morning sickness so she eventually found out. As I suspected, she was not happy but she did help the best she could.
Soon after that I decided to start going to college to be a medical assistant and I got a part time job. Sam and I moved into a house and I started to feel happy again. Everything was coming together finally. I had a job, I was going to college, I wasn’t living with a parent, and I was having the baby I always wanted. Life was good. In October I had to stop going to school and stop going to work. It was almost time for my baby boy to arrive. I was so excited for him to be there so I was fine with being home alone during this time.
One morning I woke up in labor. Sam and I rushed to the hospital. We were both very excited. I had my mother and friends with me and Sam’s mother was there as well. Everything was good while I was at the hospital and for the first week I was home. Sam took a week off from work and helped me out when I needed it. Then he went back to work and everything started to fall apart. I ended up with postpartum depression, so I cried all the time for no reason and I was angry for no reason. I become extremely depressed and felt like giving up but I knew I couldn’t because I had my wonderful child, Hunter. After multiple fights, decided to break up with Sam.
Hunter and I moved in with my mother; however, we didn’t get along and she ended kicking us out. With no place to live, I was forced to give Hunter to Sam. My whole life was crumbling… I thought I was never going to see my son again. Eventually Sam set up a meeting at my mother’s house so that I could spend time with Hunter. I had a great visit with Sam and Hunter and I felt like we talked through a lot of things. I moved back in with Sam and his mother. Things were okay at first but then started to quickly go downhill.
I started doing drugs again and drinking to be happy. I never did these things when I was around Hunter, but I was falling back into my depression, anger and having suicidal thoughts.
Sam and I finally moved into a place of our own. Things still got worse. I told Sam I wanted to go back to school to finish my externship and he said he thought that was a good idea. I said I would look for daycare for Hunter but Sam told me he would take care of everything to get it set up. I believed him so I started the process to go back to school.
Everything was set up at school but not with daycare. Sam kept insisting that he would get everything ready in time and I still believed him. The day before I was supposed to go back to my externship nothing had been done daycare wise, so I dropped out of school again. I became more angry and depressed. I felt helpless and lost and trapped. Hunter and I moved out.
Eventually one day Sam called me and said we should place Hunter for adoption. Hunter was almost two at this time. I said no and I was going to go after him for child support. After that call though, Sam never came to spend time with Hunter at all. I couldn’t handle raising Hunter alone emotionally or mentally. I finally broke down and agreed to make an adoption plan. I handled the whole adoption without Sam’s help. I called the Gladney Center for Adoption. A counselor came to do some paperwork with me and pick up Hunter. It was hard, but my counselor helped me cope as much as she could and was there to talk with me when I needed it.
I was able to choose a family for my son and meet them. I also was able to choose to have an open adoption. The family sends me updates throughout the year and I also get to visit with him each year.
After Hunter was gone I lost a lot of people I thought were my friends. I continued my downward spiral until I just couldn’t take the pain anymore. I posted something on Facebook and the friends I had left after I placed Hunter for adoption came running. They talked to me, cleaned me up, and took care of me. It was then that I realized I needed help. I started to spend most of my time with real friends. I then got a job and moved out of my mom’s house and into my own apartment with my friends. Ever since I have been going to counseling and working on myself. I go to Gladney’s birth mother support group because I can talk about anything that is bothering me and I never get judged on my opinions or how I feel or how I react to situations. I feel safe. I went through a stage of depression and anger for about 6 months after I placed Hunter. That was almost 4 years ago. I still struggle and have hard days, but I am happy. I have great friends. I work and am now going to college full time to become a vet tech. Maybe one day I will even become a vet.
It's never too late to choose adoption. It's always about what is best for your child or children, not your selfish needs or wants. If you can't physically, emotionally, financially or mentally take care of your child then I believe you should consider the option of adoption.
*For confidentiality reasons, names have been changed.