My Adoption With My Daughter

We are thankful when birth mothers share their adoption stories. It's another reminder that you are not alone. 

 

"My adoption with my daughter has been amazing!! The process was very emotional and a very tough decision. I was brought up very spoiled and in a very comfortable home and I just wasn’t able to provide that for a baby. I wanted to, but my relationship with her birth father was HORRIBLE. Fun fact, I am actually adopted as well. My birth mom is from the Dallas/Fort Worth area. She picked my parents when she was about 5 months pregnant with me. I always knew I was adopted. My adoptive AKA my real parents never kept it a secret. They have always been honest and open. Throughout my life, I never felt empty or confused or felt the need to really find out about my biological family until I placed my daughter.

Open adoption is amazing. Like I said before, it was a very emotional and tough decision, but I knew it was the only decision. Money wasn’t the issue. Stability and safety was my main concern. Her parents are AWESOME. They send me photos of her and write me amazing letters once or twice a year. We even plan our next meetings. It’s literally the perfect arrangement and it works for us. I have never felt guilty or depressed about the decision to place my child.

GladneyPregnancyJournalWApp_Page_03Placement day was beautiful. Gladney really took care of me and the adoptive family. I was able to spend several hours with her and hold her and kiss her and I look back at all the videos and pictures I had with her. It was emotional but surprisingly very happy and a very beautiful and wonderful experience. In a lot of ways I can say it was like giving birth all over again. Hopefully some birth mothers can understand but that’s how emotional and just beautiful it was. I am a woman that gave life and gave the opportunity for an amazing family to have their baby girl.

This is so cliché but I didn’t even open the profile book. I was in the hospital bed flipping through several books and NONE of them looked appealing or seemed “right” to me. I guess you can say it was “love at first sight.” But I saw the cover of the book and I remember telling my mom, this is the family. And I opened the book and I was even more sure of it. It was everything and more that I wanted for her. It was seriously a match made in heaven.

I had a very, very, very, very toxic and abusive relationship with the birth father. We haven’t spoken in almost 3 years. My daughter just turned 5 over the summer. So 2 1/2 years of toxicity and abuse. I wasn’t raised in an abusive home. Even my birth parents have a great relationship. I honestly can say I was very young and naïve and I didn’t care about making the right or wrong decisions with him. He put my life at risk multiple times and he didn’t care about me being pregnant or even after I had the C-section. I had preeclampsia and delivered my daughter about 7 weeks early. He only saw her one time in the NICU prior to signing papers and our rights away and his attitude towards her made it more official that I needed to go through with adoption. I am thankful that I have overcome that relationship. I am a birth mother and also a domestic violence survivor. He is NOT involved with her. He has emailed me asking for pictures, but he needs to go through the agency and if he wants a relationship with her or her family there is the right way to do so and he has been given all of the ways and opportunities and contact information to do so.

I don’t have any future children yet, but I definitely plan on being open and transparent with them. There is literally nothing to hide, or lie, or be ashamed about. I have so much love for my birth mom and biological family and I would never be angry or have any ill feelings. They loved me so much they wanted me to have a better opportunity. I know she understand that as well. I know later down the road we will have a good relationship. I know my children will understand as well. Of course everyone is going to have their own opinions, but everything couldn’t have gone better for me and my life. 

Dating hasn’t been a problem at all, my current boyfriend of almost 3 years has been nothing but supportive. Even his family. They’re very understanding and supportive of my decision. He also loves seeing updates as soon as I get them and even in the past I’ve had nothing but amazing feedback from potential relationships. Honestly, it’s never the first thing I ask or share. If I don’t think the man I am dating will lead to something serious I won’t share. Mostly out of protection for my daughter and her family. I don’t see it as anyone’s business unless we are in a serious relationship.

Adoptive parents, please be honest and transparent with your children. Also communicate a lot with the birth mom. I was SO incredibly lucky in my life to have birth parents who loved me SO much to place me in a home where I could be loved even more and given better opportunities. I consider my adoptive parents my real parents. But I have so much love for my birth family. Adoptive parents, just remember. We as adoptees WILL NOT run away and go back to our birth family. Adoptive parents; as a birth mom we will NOT try to take back our baby or hunt you down.

My advice would be, go with what you’re heart and gut is telling you. Don’t listen to outside voices. Don’t listen to your parents, doctor, partner, family, friends. Only listen to yourself. You know yourself more than anyone else can. You have to do right for your baby. If the best option if placing them, then do it. If not, then don’t. But you have to be 110% sure. If you have even the slightest doubt, I suggest don’t place. Once you sign the papers it’s a done deal. I don’t want to scare you, it just the honest reality. If you’re heart is saying it’s what’s best, then do it. Don’t worry about hurting the adoptive family because you chose to back out. It’s not final until you sign."

Gladney Birth Mother & Adoptee

 

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